I have to be honest and admit that I didn't think I would need a second round. I sort of thought that I followed all of the rules. I did everything according to doctor's orders. I took my 100mg of clomid every day on cycle days 5-9. Began using OPK's five days later. BD at least every other day while ovulating. I laid down in the bed with my butt propped on pillows for 15 minutes, sometimes 20 minutes after. I willed every single sperm to 'stay in.' I took my folic acid every day. Ate my pineapple core for implantation. Relaxed as much as possible during my 2WW. I said my prayers, crossed my fingers, even made deals with secret deals with myself. Surely a BFP would be waiting for me at the end of the other side of this 30 day cycle. Boy was I in for a rude awakening!
Getting pregnant is hard work. Not to mention pregnancy, and labor, and delivery, and then bam... Motherhood! Whew! It's a wonder that any of us makes it through the first stage.
I'm already a mom. So many others are trying for their first. Having the joy of giving birth to my daughter, I have to say, it isn't any easier TTC your 2nd than it is your first. I often wonder what is wrong with me...now?!?!? I can imagine that it's just as difficult trying for your 3rd, 4th or 5th baby. I'm sure the struggling mommy-to-be of her 1st would disagree, but many of the studies I've read show that infertility is difficult regardless of the circumstances. I must say that had I known or suspected that my daughter would be my only child, I'd have done so many things differently. I would have breastfed longer, held her closer, lost my patience less. I would have lingered a bit longer on so many things, so many details. I would have avoided so many lost moments.
This experience has humbled me. And to imagine that this is only my second official 'try,' while others have been trying for months, even years. I am astounded by that realization. Although I am extremely sympathetic, I would be deceitful if I didn't admit to at the very least, myself that, 'oh my goodness, it doesn't make it any easier.'
While celebrating the joys of others finally getting that long awaited, greatly anticipated moment that renders many speechless and inspires tears of disbelief, relief, and quite simply happiness, I still can't help but take a brief moment to myself and wonder when will it be my turn?
I've got a really good feeling about this. Sure, I've had them before (more specifically last month), but I'd take this good feeling over a bad one any day. I'm going to relax, yet still do what is necessary to make it happen. I'm going to take it easy, but still suffer through and enjoy the ups and downs of trying to conceive. I'm going to take comfort in all of the BFPs around me, and know that my turn is coming. It is going to happen for me...soon.
